My Writing or Artwork

This is a piece of writing that I put up on a forum not too long ago, I was quite upset and crying when I wrote it... It now reminds me of dark times. :-

"What makes me...?

What makes me cut? Hmm... Its kind of hard to explain, but the fact is.. Even though theres mostly always people around me, I'm quite lonely... And it hurts to see others smiling when you're so down.. I think "Why can't I smile so convincingly" 'cause I know secretly that they have to have hurt and pain under their perfect outer shells...

Today I started to give someone* some space so that they could have some time without me to worry about and stuff... But today was the day I needed him most, because last night I cut really bad, and it wasn't a few cuts, it was lots and my arms quite fcuked... I'm scared my mums going to find out and throw me out and stuff (and none of you say she wouldnt do that, because you dont know my mum). She's called me a slut too many times and she even told me I was an accident and she never actually wanted me... And it IS true... Nobody seems to want me around anymore...

The only time anyones told me I'm going to be OK was when I was crying my eyes out and on the verge of a emotional breakdown... And I cant help but think "But now I've ran out of tears to cry... Will they still reassure me?" noone seems to notice if I'm fine or not unless I cry. Everyday... Theres the same thought in my head and it won't go away... "If I went today, would anyone actually notice I was gone? Would they even miss me?" and now I get to the stage where I'm serious about leaving... Leaving for good... Maybe it's better on the other side... Maybe I'll be able to be happy...

But I can't.. Theres 2 things stopping me... Lanky and Ashley... They're the two most important things to me... And I love them more than anything. Lankys the only person whos treated me right without looking down on me like I'm scum... Or lying to me. And Ash is the guy I've known almost my whole life and he knows me more than anybody... And I'm greatful that hes always there to go to.. He might not be the best with words, but he can make me laugh..

Now I feel like crying.. Is it possible that simply writing my feelings down, has actually made me want to live again?? Is it really that simple?? It seems like it..."